Day In

I know I've said this before, but I miss not caring. Not that my life is bad, but there's not much good, not much positive. Just day in and day out and droning on and feeling inadequate and alone.

I miss those times when I was happy. Even those times when I was unhappy -- there were good times then, too. Being around people and having the choice to be alone. Feeling like I was doing something every day, and when I was doing nothing, it wouldn't last. Cigarettes tasted better, sleep meant something, the wind in my hair as I biked home at two AM was real. Drinking because it was fun, not because it made me feel better. Not drinking because I was doing other things, not because I shouldn't. Eating because you need food to survive, not because I'm lonely or bored or angry. Throwing up because I'd drunk too much, not because I'm lonely or bored or angry. Being angry for a reason, not because there's nothing else to feel.