It's like the end of a long relationship that has fizzled out. You know that you want out and maybe you're even keeping an eye out for other boys (or grad schools) and everything it does a even little wrong grates on your nerves, but for whatever reasons (his mom just died, you still have months of classes/thesis work left), you can't end it yet. So you sit and let it fester, growing ever more resentful with each new frustration or old habit of chewing noisily.
Of course there will be beautiful moments when you're still in harmony, when he makes you laugh like you used to, when you're drinking red wine on cool spring nights with your friends on the South Lawn or smoke a cigarette under the willow in Slonim Circle. Those moments will make you think, "Hey, it's not so bad. We can make this work. I may not be in love anymore, but if I can just know that we'll have more moments like this, it'll be worth it."
The anxiety, even the beauty, won't last; few things do.
When it's done, when you're gone, you might think wistfully back on those moments, but for the most part you'll be willing and able to let it all go. Even so, Lady Lawrence will always hold a special place in your heart.
Maybe, despite some of the rough times I had at SLC, I still love it. Maybe, despite some of the pain and desecration and heartbreak I experienced with Dan, I can still look back on our relationship with a bit of affection. Maybe.
