City of Angels

"Sometimes you forget how mad this city is, and then you get on the roads and you see it up close and personal, smell the rotten stink of insanity on her breath. The people may seem like polite, well-mannered, well-adjusted folks, but then you hit those streets and you see how miserable they really are. There’s no regard for the sanctity of human life - mine, yours, their own - on these concrete rivers. Sometimes you’ll turn a corner and they’ll just be standing there in the middle of the road: Blank. Unaware. Waiting. Hoping. Praying for the sweet release of death."

-- Robert Brockway on Los Angeles

PS OK, this is really a bit from a nonsensical comedy piece of his on Cracked.com, but it is so brilliantly accurate.

Put the Kettle On

My good friends, the world is not flat (http://www.myspace.com/theworldisnotflat -- ohmigoodness, what a beautiful banner), have released a new album. As a friend and a FAN! (fan!), I bought it; it arrived this week. But! But. This album ("to both sides, dear") makes me feel so alone and warm and angry and strong and tired and pained and sad and renewed and (maybe?) hopeful. (I believe these emotions echo some of the the ones I felt when I heard their first CD.) This album is full of memories of the only place I've ever loved and the only me I've ever wanted to be.

I know there are many, many other influences and inspirations for this album, but the lyrics seem to have come from my own pain, my own pleasure, my own heart; "If I had to choose a place the day they run out of fuel and have to ground all the planes, you know that I would choose right here in this big, old house with you." It's January in England.

Gawd, I don't want to be repetitive, but Oxford, I miss you, I love you, I want you, I need you.

Roxy and Chris, you are everything I always wanted to be but never could.

I Stand Corrected

I don't have to be angry all the time! To-day is what I would call a Good Day, and it's not even 1pm.

Cases in point:
*I didn't want to go to the gym, but I convinced myself to anyway, and I ended up having a good workout.
*While at the gym, the girl I've been eyeing and chatting with for a while asked for my number and e-mail address. (OK, not like THAT, it's because she's going on tour with GUNS 'N' ROSES as their MASSAGE THERAPIST for at least six months and she wants to keep in touch. DO YOU SEE WHY SHE IS SO COOL? Plus, you know how most people sweat when they work out? She just glows.)
*Just after that I found a quarter, heads-up on the floor.
*A friend gave me something I've been waiting for for a few days.
*I was reminded that WORDS ARE SO COOL. This job can be mind-numbingly mechanical at times, but now and again, I come across something here that really makes me happy. Like WORDS.

Oh, and!
*Last night I booked my flight to return to Oxford for a few days in the Spring and attend my very first Wadstock.
*Last night was the first evening in weeks that I didn't get drunk and sad and alone. I've been regularly having incredible amounts of lousy wine every day, but I'm going to take a break from that now. And I began it yesterday.

Life's not all lousy.